BDSM 101: Bondage & Discipline #BDSM101

The first subset of BDSM: Bondage & Discipline

bdsm

I’ve always found it amusing that bondage and discipline are grouped together. To me they are two separate thought/sensation processes. However, there are two possible reasons they are together.

1: When discipline is administered. the bottom/sub can be restrained.

2: S&M went together, D/s went together. They needed another area to pile everything else in.

I’m thinking #2 is probably a little closer to the truth.

Keep in mind that when I discuss anything, I am considering it in the case of BDSM, which means for all intents and purposes – it’s consensual. If it is ever nonconsensual on one side or the other (Not to be confused with non-con play where there is consent), you’ve left the world of BDSM.

What is Bondage?

Bondage quite simply is restraint. If you want to tie someone up or be tied up, Bondage just might one of your kinks.

Bondage as physical restraint

One of the ways bondage is used is as a restraint. That is taking an individual and in one way or another, restricting their physical movement. How many ways are there to restrain someone? It’s all up to the imagination of the dom/top. And the more imagination they have? The more fun can be had. Hands, legs, full body… or hell, just put one of those annoying Chinese finger traps on someone. It’s used quite often as a gag, but at its base is bondage – though without any kind of energy exchange between the two individuals, it doesn’t really qualify as BDSM.

Bondage as beauty

Heard of Shibari? Ever seen someone tied up in ropes and the physical aesthetic is pleasing? Here we’re talking about Bondage as beauty. Some subs/bottoms, love this kind of bondage. It lets them settle into subspace and they can float happily while the dom/top does his/her thing. And some doms/tops love performing this type of bondage. It can take hours to create some of the more intricate bindings.

Mental Bondage

Mental bondage is simply where the dom/top can control the sub/bottom’s movement simply by command. If a sub/bottom is told not to move – that is a form of mental bondage. There may be no physical ties, but the mental ones can be constraining all in and of themselves, if the sub/bottom wants to give up that control.

Bondage as submission

Bondage is just one millionth part of kink, however allowing someone to tie you up, restrict your movement, or possibly put you into a very uncomfortable position is a show of submission. Whether that is mental or physical submission depends on that particular sub/bottom.

What is discipline?

Trying to define discipline for this purpose isn’t easy -because as in everything BDSM, no one thing fits all. However, to try and keep things basic: Discipline is using rules and consequences to control behavior. As an addendum, my belief is that the discipline MUST have a positive result in the sub/bottom. If it harms them, it is no longer positive and needs to be stopped. Notice I said harm, not hurt. They are two different things.

Mental Discipline

Mental discipline is the mental consequence of a broken rule. A dom/top ignoring their bottom/sub on purpose for a certain amount of time might be considered mental discipline (for me it would be torture). The meaning behind the discipline is the same – to bring about a changed result. Such as – if you hated being ignored, perhaps the next time you went to break that rule, you’d think twice about doing so.

Physical Discipline

Physical discipline is the physical consequence of a broken rule. You might think automatically of spanking, and that is a possibility. But so is standing in a corner, writing lines, being whipped, locked in a cage… as long as this discipline is for the good of the bottom/sub and brings out the desired result, it is discipline.

Loving Discipline

A subset of Discipline is loving discipline. Now, loving discipline (or domestic discipline DD as it is sometimes called) is a structured relationship wherein a couple or group decides together on certain rules and 1 or more members of those involved dispense discipline and 1 or more members of those involved accept that discipline when a rule is broken. This is NOT for erotic stimulation and quite often involves spanking, though the emphasis is to stop the behavior that is harming the sub. Some say a masochist can’t be spanked in that instance as they enjoy pain. However, I disagree because a spanking when one feels like crap and really wants absolution, even if you enjoy the pain, is still an effective form of discipline.

Loving discipline can include any number of people, and can have any gender as the dom or sub. Some within the DD world (especially online & in erotic novels – I haven’t seen this as much in real life) call the dom the Head of House (HoH) and the sub the Taken in Hand (TiH).

Further, a subset of loving discipline, is Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) wherein the couple practices DD with the belief that their god said a man should be in charge and the woman follow. It’s structured along gender lines with a huge religious emphasis and most often has 2 people, no more.

Punishment

I hate this term, but some people use it for when the dom disciplines a sub.

Funishment

Funishment is using a discipline form for fun. It’s not discipline. It’s more kinky erotic fun.

Warning: When engaging in anything remotely dangerous (And BDSM can be dangerous), always do your research. Study. Talk to people. Learn. Never take one person’s word for anything. If twenty different people who don’t know one another say the same thing, you should listen. But always trust your gut.

If you want to engage in a certain type of play, read about it – and I’m not talking about erotic novels or stories. Read books on BDSM. Talk to people at BDSM clubs – email works if you are too scared to go to a club at first. Learn from someone who knows, damn it. I’ve seen the results of edge play from people who didn’t have all the facts. It’s not pretty. And it can be deadly.

Would you go diving off a cliff without learning to swim? Would you do intense weight-lifting without warming up?

Learn. Study. Practice. Then indulge.

Coming up

Coming next week, I’ll dive into: DS – Domination & Submission

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment. Or Contact me about something you would like to see in a future post.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This