The discussion today I will admit hit a few of my triggers. When I think anal punishment outside the spanking/whipping realm, two things come to mind – something as innocuous as ginger and something harmful like anal sex.
Now, before you get insulted, let me explain what I mean.
To me, ginger has no negative connotations besides the heat it creates. It has no negative memories, nothing to make it anything except what it is in my books – discipline. In my real life,this kind of kink is not allowed as discipline. To me they need to stay separate, so ginger would never be allowed as discipline and if the guy tried it once, he’d be lucky to still have a dick attached once I came out of sub headspace. Unless we’re talking funishment, and that’s a whole different headspace.
Now, as for anal sex. IF I am reading a book, any book, and I come to a scene where anal sex is used as discipline or a punishment, I will instantly stop reading. 99% of the time I will never finish the book. And yes, this is VERY personal to me. It isn’t hot, it isn’t fun. It’s demoralizing, shaming, and should never be used as discipline. Ever. Not once. Ever.
Why so emphatic? I’ve been anally raped. If my top insisted on anal sex as a way to PUNISH me? The connotation would cross over to that rape and I would hate him, hate myself, and it would not turn out well. So I cannot read about it. And it actually pisses me off when I come across a scene like that in what would ordinarily be a good book. I’ve actually crossed authors off my list of ‘to-read’ just because they had anal sex punishments.
Admittedly, if the heroine likes anal sex and that has been specified, it doesn’t have the same kind of trigger because I know she already likes it. But when its been made clear that the heroine or hero is either an anal virgin or hates anal sex and the hero insists on anal as a punishment? INSTANT turn off.
The only way I can handle anal sex is in a loving scene or in reality. Not as discipline or punishment.
To me, discipline is all mental. It’s getting into that space where I truly access what I’m feeling and he gets me past it. As such, I will forever stay away from 99% of anal sex scenes used as punishment. And if the description of the book stresses it in the blurb (not the warning, but the blurb) I know it’s a major thing within it and will just not buy. I know some like it and I’m all for people writing/reading what they enjoy – just not me.
On the flip side of that, the Marquis de Sade who was a libertine of the highest order I can read without a problem. Mostly because he doesn’t describe. And partly because I find him funny. He doesn’t take anything seriously and is also blunt about why his characters do what they do.