Being submissive can sometimes be a total pain in the ass. (And no, I’m not talking about a spanking.)
I had an epiphany last week and now I’m unsure of what to do about it. I am a highly intelligent woman and yet, when around a dominant male whom I have given some control to (whether that is consciously or unconsciously), my intelligence seems to go bye-bye.
I stop being able to think, to come up with ideas. I fucking stop being able to have my own wishes as I just want him to make the decision(s). (Though I at least seem to be able to converse intelligently… at lest until he asks a question and then my brain shuts off. Damn it!)
Some people talk about going in and out of the submissive headspace. I am almost always there. It makes interacting with people difficult. Even worse, it makes getting what I want almost impossible.
I wish I could explain it better.
It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable as I now realize I give men far more power than I would like to. I only ever really want to give 1 male that kind of power and yet… Because I now know what is going on, I am going to put up even more barriers out of the fear of giving the wrong kind of person that kind of power.