Yesterday I went to a Munch about an hour away and the discussion was about Rituals – those things that help remind you who you are and what kind of relationship you are in. In this case – D/s.
Most everyone was quiet. From the comments, it was obvious that some people thought ‘sex’ when they heard ritual, some thought in terms of show, and a few in terms of the depth of a D/s relationship. Some seemed almost indignant at the idea of a ritual.
It got me to thinking of rituals everyone does for many different reasons. Ritual is defined as: a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value.
There are of course, many religious rituals that are performed on a daily basis.
Many couples also have rituals that help define and solidify their relationship. I read once of an older gentleman. He was leaving to go to a meeting and when he got into his friend’s car, he didn’t let him leave until his wife of 70+ years moved the curtain to the side and waved her handkerchief – a sign letting him know she was thinking of him until he returned to her safely. This was a ritual they had observed since early in their marriage.
In my first D/s relationship, we had a ritual that looking back on it was the most amazing thing I had experienced up till that time.
When he first started training me as his submissive, he had me do the following: Every day at 3pm, I was to strip, walk over to a certain corner of the living room, lean against it and think about our relationship, what I wanted out of it, and what I was getting out of it. Over time, that became the highlight of my day at times.
We did not live together. He, in fact, lived almost 2 hours away. But coming home from a busy day at work, stressed, angry, ready to rip someone apart… being able to walk in my apartment, strip and go to that corner. I cannot even explain how peaceful it was. There were no thoughts about the outside world. That dissapeared. Instead, my entire focus was on him, us, and what really mattered.
Because when it all comes down to it. The only thing that really matters is your relationship with the person you are closest too.
I became a big fan of rituals at that point and still am today. I love that time or movement, anything that brings me back to center and allows me to get my mind back to where it belongs.
Serving Him. Serving Us. Working on what matters.
I look forward to my next relationship where we can have one or more rituals that bring us closer together; that remind us of what we are building.
Create a ritual with the one you care about/love. At first it might seem silly. But over time, that silly thing might be the one thing that makes everything else feel right.