The perfect job for me… if this was 1759

Okay, while scouring the web for euphemisms for male and female genitalia in the 1700s (yes there was a reason) I came across a few articles on The Most Ancient and Most Puissant Order of the Beggar’s Benison and Merryland, Anstruther otherwise known as The Beggar’s Benison.

What is The Beggar’s Benison, you ask?

Well, I’m gonna tell you. The Beggar’s Benison was a men’s sex club in the 1700s and early 1800s. Created by and for men of upper society, the club was a Scottish gentlemen’s club devoted to “the convivial celebration of male sexuality.”

Why not! These men of high standing, would sit around, smoking cigars, drinking, and talking sex. And, by the way, the word Merryland was a euphemism for the female body. Of course, they had pornographic imagery as well… I guess that was to be used when they played their masturbation games – and yes, they had those. Back then, masturbation was known as frigging for both sexes and this wonderful group of men was all for it.

Or so they said behind closed doors.

Now, one of the many things that makes me smile about this organization is their initiation rite.

During the initiation ceremony, a new member was “prepared” by the Recorder and two helpers in:

“a closet, by causing him to propel his Penis until full erection. When thus ready he was escorted with four puffs of the Breath-Horn before the Brethren or Knighthood, and was ordered by the Sovereign to place his Genitals upon the Testing Platter, which was covered with a folded white napkin. The Members and Knights two and two came round in a state of erection and touched the Novice Penis to Penis. Thereafter the special Glass, with the Society’s Insignia thereon and Medal attached, was filled with Port Wine, when the new Brother’s health was heartily and humorously drunk, he was told to select an amorous Passage from the Song of Solomon and to read it aloud.” [A. Bold, ed. 1982 Beggar’s Benison of Anstruther. Paul Harris Publishing, Edinburgh: 9-10]

I feel sad the organization was disbanded… such a worthy one.

But I digress… My title was about the perfect job for me, wasn’t it? Well, the club had ‘posture girls’ on staff. These girls (because they were local girls of the village, no ladies here) were called upon to strip naked except for a half face mask and to come into the room and bare themselves frontally or rearally (okay, so I made that word up, but you know what I mean) to these men, just to look at, talk about, conjecture on whose penis could fill her up, or what the right penis would be to break her virginity.

What a job that would be. Of course, it would also make me so hot that after I left I would have to have a toy on hand, but still… that would be a GREAT gig. Of course, back then, the girls were probably forced into it and that kind of sucks…

Why does that sound so much better than working at a sex club today? Even the thought of dancing nude in front of a bunch of horny low-class men… ahhh, maybe I’ve hit the nail on the head there. For some reason, the Beggar’s Benison sounds better being a gentleman’s club. Doesn’t it? No louts, no jerks… of course in reality I’m sure they were a mixture of jerks and nice men, but I’m not talking reality now, am I?

So, who is going to create a new Beggar’s Benison, and where can I apply?

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