Three me’s of dating

People who know me know that I am not a dating-kind of girl. I’m more the relationship-y kind.

What do I mean?

Date is the most horrible word on the planet to me. It brings to mind awkward evenings with even awkwardier conversation. (I can say awkwardier – it is my blog.) Dating sucks. Blind dates? Even worse. When I go on a date, I tend to end up being one of two people.

Miss I’m Not Here – I am quiet. I mean, not talkative. I can’t think, speak, or even make a sound. I want to say something but every time I do, my tongue gets wrapped around itself and comes across as “Nerge wowyune eryueoe.” So, it is best if I just keep my mouth shut. And as that makes it hard to eat, I tend to just push my food around; the whole date makes my date want to run for the hills.

Miss Talkative – “Babble, babble, babble, babble, babble, babble.” OMG Will someone shut me up? I never talk this much. I can’t stop. “Babble, babble, babble, babble, babble, babble.” Ah crap, did I just speak and eat at the same time? That’s gross! “Babble, babble, babble, babble, babble, babble.” Damn, I’m still talking.

Well, there is also the 3rd person I can become, and she is worse than the other two. Who is she?

Miss Best Friend. Yep, that’s me. Tell me all your woes and I will tell you how to get the girl of your dreams. In fact, you know, I have this friend; she is fantastic. You two would get along so well together. Can I set you up?

Sad, isn’t it? That is why I prefer relationships. I’ve known you awhile. We kibitz, laugh, share stories of bad dates past. You’ve seen me when I’ve bloated up right before my period and I’ve seen you in your boxer shorts covered in tortilla chip dust in front of the TV. Then one day, its like “OH! Your hand is on my butt!” You apologize and try to remove it. “Put it back!” And thus commences a relationship that doesn’t go through the awkward dating phase.

And yet, people keep saying how dating is wonderful and I should just put myself out there. Frowns. Why can’t we humans have that instant mating thing that the wolves have in the Twilight series? Would make things much simpler. And oh look! I’m babbling. I didn’t know we were on a date… OH have I got the girl for you!

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