What is discipline to you? 4


Most of the spanking books on the market deal with the spanking, but not why that does it for the character. Today as I was working on something for myself, the question came to me: What is it about a discipline relationship that makes it something I NEED?

It isn’t the spanking. (If it was just the spanking, I could go to the local BDSM club and get my ass paddled weekly.) Now, don’t get me wrong – I love a hand across my ass. It turns me on and is also an effective discipline strategy. But that isn’t why I need a dominant partner.

It is because in a loving discipline relationship, there is safety. Safety to be who I am, safety to act upon my emotions, safety to give that over to someone I know who will take that into consideration and be more than willing to take that stress away from me. Joy in handing over the big decisions that make me go round in circles until I cannot see straight to someone who has no trouble doing so; who, in fact, loves being him as just as much as I love being me.

I can see, especially to someone who is either vanilla or who isn’t of this mindset, that this seems abhorrent. They may even think it is only in books/fantasy and that real people aren’t like that at all. But some of us are wired this way.

It is difficult talking about anything like this, because labels are so individualistic. I say I need a discipline relationship and anyone who reads this will immediately add “Domestic” in front of that and attach all of their ideas and thoughts on the phrase. In their mind, I am looking for the kind of relationship that ‘domestic discipline’ means to them.

I know some within the DD realm like to distance themselves from the BDSM moniker. I used to wonder why as to me, DD is just a subset of the D/s tag, but lately I think I’ve got it. Because so many within the BDSM acronym are in it just for what happens within the bedroom. Outside the bedroom, they are someone completely different than who they are inside of it.  There is also the issue that some in DD focus it as a very religious concept, which is fine for them.

Those are some of the reasons I chose to just use the term loving discipline.

Because I am also submissive and kinky as all get out and it is at the core of who I am – not just in the bedroom.

To me, Loving Discipline is freedom, safety, and like being given the world on a platter.

What is it to you?

photo credit: tantek via photopin cc

4 thoughts on “What is discipline to you?

  • Cara Bristol

    Well said, Thianna. How does your writing career fit into the mix. You've said you find joy in "handing over the big decisions that make me go round in circles until I cannot see straight to someone who has no trouble doing so." Isn't one's career one of those "big decisions." Do you get direction on your work when you are in a loving discipline relationship (I

    • Thianna D

      Yes, when I am in a committed loving discipline relationship, choices about my career – the big ones that make me go crazy, which now could include submitting a book to a publisher, accepting/rejecting a contract, jumping on new ideas, etc – I would want to discuss with and truly get his input on. Because I get so wound up, on even the smallest of decisions at times, and need that strength. <br /

  • wscdaddy

    Kudos! Great post. I too, also seek to distance myself from the &#39;temporary&#39; aspect of BDSM and also from the &#39;religious&#39; stigma of a DD relationship. Glad to see I&#39;m not so cray after all.<br /><br />-WSC

  • Annapurna

    I&#39;m not sure I can answer your questions with words.<br /><br />When I feel discipline within the context you have so artfully painted, I visualize boundaries and the opportunity to experience yourself so you can, indeed, make decisions for yourself because they occur to your organismically, not abstractly. Perhaps you seek a dynamic ground: a play yard of the possible bounded by the

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