Alone – Therapy in Verse 4


When I am hurt I have two choices. Internalize it and let it eat me out, OR write down my feelings in some sort of prose. By getting the negative feelings out, they dissipate and I can move on. Sometimes that takes the form of verse. Nothing here is to be taken absolutely literally, but it is a direct reflection of how I was feeling when I wrote this ten minutes ago.

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Alone is my solace.
Alone is my destiny.

I hate you.
I rail the words.

I hate you.
Not quite true. Not quite false.

I hate you.
You lied.

I hate you.
You deceived me.

I hate you.
No, that is not quite true.

It is not you that I hate.
It is me.

I should have known better
Than to trust someone again.

I should have known better
Than to open my heart and soul.

I should have known better
Than to admit to secrets best unspoken.

I should have known better
Than to try again.

So, why do I keep trusting?
Why do I keep trying?

Why do I keep trying?
Why do I keep believing?

Why do I keep believing?
Why don’t I just stop?

I won’t stop.
Stopping is giving up.

I won’t stop.
Stopping is giving in.

I won’t stop.
Stopping lets the bastards win.

I won’t stop.
But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t taken its toll.

My guard is back up
Thicker than ever.

My shield is strengthened.
Not letting anyone in.

My cloak has been called back up.
I will go back into invisibility.

I may trust again someday.
But I will never reveal what made you walk away.

That I will hold till the grave.
That will die with me.

No other man will learn that secret.
No other man will walk away for the same reason.

If you didn’t want to know.
You never should have insisted I tell you.

If you didn’t want to know.
You should not have bugged me about it consistently.

If you didn’t want to know.
You should have walked away a long time ago.

For in doing what you did,
You destroyed another part of me.

In choosing that moment to walk away,
You crushed me into a million pieces.

You walk away complete.
You left me broken.

You move on to your next lie.
It will take a lifetime to get past the one you told me.

I was right in the first place.

Alone is my solace.
Alone is my destiny.

Alone is my prison.
Alone is my death.

             © Thianna D

photo credit: Evil Erin via photopin cc

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