BDSM in the limelight 8


How does everyone else feel about BDSM in the limelight?

I have mixed feelings about it. While I think it is great that it can be talked about more openly, so much seems to be missing from the new BDSM’ers.

Of course, it isn’t just the Shades excitement that has caused this problem. No. The problem started five+ years ago. When I first started on the scene, there was a lot more emphasis on respect. As a sub, one of the things I need is to know how to act and what to expect.

Now, either that has been lost, or the areas I have lived for the last five years have sucked at it. There was a time when it was considered an extreme offense if someone outside the scene were to interrupt, but today people talk and laugh and ‘join’ in a scene they are not part of consistently. I don’t know about you, but I cannot get in the right headspace if people are interrupting.

The club I was a member of when I first stuck my toe in the BDSM pool made sure both dominants and submissives knew how to act toward one another at club events. It was a relief to know it was expected to refer to all male doms as Sir and all female dommes as Ma’am. I had my space – I understood it. Now? I feel discombobulated at BDSM events. I don’t know how to act, what to say, or even where to look.

It is quite disconcerting for one such as myself.

I just found out that E! Entertainment has produced a show on the results from the 50 Shades phenomena. Even though I don’t have a TV, I will figure out a way to watch it because I am intrigued to see how the entertainment network treats the subject. Are we kooks? Crazy? Or just the new thing?

And as the ‘new thing’, does that mean that all that was is now lost? If so, then what I need in a relationship and in structure is gone. Well, that is a depressing thought.

I need boundaries. I need security. And the more that people take BDSM and make it a toy? The more the D/s and respect issue seems to get lost.

I am torn about the extreme interest in BDSM. Is it a good thing? A bad thing? Or is it just the proof that what I want and need is now gone?

Yikes. I think I can be classified as ‘old school’.

Maybe I should start collecting cats. Except… I really don’t like cats.


8 thoughts on “BDSM in the limelight

  • Jade Crystal

    I have mixed feelings about it. BDSM is so misunderstood in the general population, and that's coming from someone who had a very wrong opinion of it until a couple years ago. I used to think that all doms/masters were sadists that just got off on beating people up or that they all treated their subs/slaves like animals, and since I'm naturally submissive, that scared me. Learning about

    • Thianna D

      Very well put Jade. I think you would find that most people not into BDSM have the same wrong view of dominants – that they are all sadists who do not care for their submissive at all. (I think Hollywood and fiction like The Story of O pushed that stereotype.) There is also the misunderstanding that &#39;all subs are doormats&#39;. *shakes head* <br /><br />It is extremely hard to find good

  • CJ

    I am not in the lifestyle but I have always been curious. I have had feelings and ideas that I have kept to myself from a young age. I didn&#39;t understand these feelings but never felt ashamed of them, I just knew to keep them to myself. <br /><br /> I read 50 shades, and I have read numerous books by authors who are actually in the lifestyle and the difference is staggering. I continue to

    • Thianna D

      Thanks for your wonderful comments! I love the way you see things. I had actually written a long reply, but then my internet service went down. I don&#39;t know what all I said. LOL<br /><br />Thanks so much for reading and commenting. <br /><br />And I agree. It is a good thing these people and the media have short attention spans!

  • Penelope Jones

    BDSM/Leather events is a great way for seeking more info on your own terms. These events range from 1 day of classes that may or may not be a specific topic, to 3-5 day long events that most likely span a weekend. These events usually have classes ranging on any and every fetish you can think of. <br /><br />It&#39;s a great way to start off as a newbie, and not have anyone judge you. Plus…

  • wildfire8470

    I don&#39;t know a lot about BDSM but, for what it&#39;s worth, I&#39;ll tell you what I know as a sub, especially one who knows about Fetlife. Respect yourself and make others Doms/Dommess/subs alike) honor that respect. Make your wishes and limits known, talk them over to be sure they are understood by all parties involved. If you meet anyone who crosses a line (such as a hard limit, or

    • Thianna D

      Very true – and many posers are practically neon lights with their demands and their utter disrespect for anyone or anything. <br /><br />Very good advice! If you want, feel free to look me up on fet. I will tweet you the name:)

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